• 16 Apr, 2024

How I knew that I was gay

We all have different journeys for self-discovery, here is mine and I hope it helps.

How I knew that I was gay and how you can sort of tell if you are gay or part of the LGBTQ community.

Now before I even get into this I want to start off by saying obviously what worked for me and figuring out my sexuality is not the only way to do it and there are so many ways that you can figure this out and if I say that this one thing made me realise that I was gay that doesn't necessarily mean that if you think like that and do that that you are it's completely subjective and it depends on the person 100% so this is just sort of a guidance advice.

Do not take this as fact it's not it's just it's just to help you guys as much as I can, so yes I don't want to necessarily say my entire coming out, but I will go over some key points and what it helped me to realise, so that I can hopefully help you guy, I identify as gay or lesbian or whatever you want to say I use both terms that is how I identify anyway so yes I'm very indecisive so when I was trying to figure out my sexuality it was a constant back and forth between I think I'm gay I think I'm bisexual what if I'm just straight and going crazy like what is going on I don't know what sexuality and confusing that's that was the process for me it probably a year or a year and a half of me going back and forth between I'm gay and bisexual and a lot of people have said the same thing to me that you're confused you don't know how to tell whether or not you're just bisexual or if you're gay or if you're something else its, just very confused like I was something that took me a long time to understand was that being attracted to somebody and finding someone attractive isn't the same thing and I would just confuse myself so much thinking that I was attracted to boys because I could find guys attractive and like I said at the beginning there's no one way of figuring out if you're gay or bisexual or whatever else but something that helped me was to physically picture myself being in a relationship all strings attached everything that goes into being related in a relationship with both a girl and a guy and really thinking about that for months helped me to realise that I couldn't picture myself being physical with a guy or even falling in love with a guy.

With a girl I could picture all of those things and I found that when I was daydreaming about relationships I found it much more enjoyable to do when I was thinking about being with a girl so that's something that sort of tipped me off I got one question asking if it's normal to I think that you're faking it even if you truly know what your sexuality is and I do think that's normal I went through that for a long time because we're conditioned to think that we're supposed to end up with a guy married to a guy and fall in love and have babies and all that stuff and it's hard to look at all the media and the TV shows and everything out there that's telling you to be one way and then to go against that and if you really are it's hard an it's you can convince yourself that you are straight just because that's what everybody else wants you to think and I can be really really difficult but you need to just try to stay true to yourself because that is the only person that matters in figuring out your sexuality and this whole situation is yourself.

 

Our sexuality and other people can confuse you too because if you come out as a lesbian and then you say that you think that Zac Efron is attractive or whatever people will be like oh but I thought you were gay like I thought you liked girls but now you're saying that you think this guy is attractive that doesn't make any sense and that just comes from a place of not really understanding that there is a difference between being attracted to someone and finding them attractive and I can fully look at an attractive man and be like yes that is an attractive man do I want to sleep with him do I want to kiss him? no but I can see that that is an objectively handsome fella so it basically just comes down to being able to look inside of yourself and realise what you truly want and that can be the most confusing thing in the whole world.

 

Do you have to try being with a guy in order to rule that out?

 Absolutely not that is no you do not have to do that and I'm sorry anyone made you think that you do I know that so many people say two lesbians or even gay matter whatever that in order to know who you really like you have to try it with the other gender but that's just not true at all because if you really think about it straight people don't try it with the same gender to realise that their straight so why would you have to try it the opposite gender to realise that you're gay.

 I had one boyfriend before and it wasn't even really a real relationship because it was in the 7th grade, I would run away from him after school so that I did not have to kiss him that should have been my first sign that just you know we're going or that for now but yeah so I didn't really try anything with again. I was still able to realise that a lesbian and I would never want to be in a relationship with guys you absolutely do not have to do anything that you're not comfortable with one other thing that really helped me in my process was looking to other LGBTQ + people whether that be in TV shows and movies or on YouTube. 

Hearing other people's perspectives and other people's stories about how they figured it out can be super helpful but also when you're doing that you have to remember that everybody is different and one person's experience does not necessarily mean that that has to be your experience so definitely keep that in mind as well the last piece of advice that I want to give you is to not stress about this and I know too, believe me, it's difficult to know what to constantly be thinking about this and worrying about this but it's not something that you need to put so much pressure on yourself about because there's no rush to figuring this out and you don't even have to put a label on yourself if that makes things more confusing labels can be helpful but they can also really hinder your process and make things 10 times harder for you so if you're just comfortable being you that's the only thing that matters and that's what you need to focus on not trying to put yourself into a box.